Exam Vent

I hate studying. I also hate studying when I feel like it's not even going to help my grade.
My final exam is on Friday. In one hour it will be "tomorrow." Last year, the summer class's average on it was 58. Failing. Fuck. After my horrendous grade on the third exam (passing, but with a 68), I'm starting to worry that I won't manage a C. I need a C for credit. If I don't get at least a C in this class, I will have wasted my parents money on tuition and housing. Thousands of dollars.
This class has been killing me. I have put a lot of effort into this class, many many hours, and it might be all for nothing.
Okay, sure, I'll admit I could have put in more effort, but you can usually say that with anything.
I know I should be studying, but my motivation is starting to wane. It just feels hopeless at this point. OIFSOGHLEUHF:OEHFUHSFDOUEHFSOGHN
I hate whining. I know I must do it a lot on this blog, because this is where I can vent guilt-free.
-sigh-
Hopefully my mind is just being crazy because it's late and I'm tired. I'm so not looking forward to the huge cram session tomorrow.

Oh boy, and after the final I have to deal with securing my housing for the next session of summer classes and moving all my shit out and driving home. Fuck my cock.
Can it just be Saturday already?

Summer Flarhgunnstow

Oh my goodness I need to update this thang.
Currently I'm still at Mason, taking a summer course to catch up on my major. Joy. It's a lot of work, and I forgot how bad my summer laziness gets, so its not going so hot at the moment. I'm hoping for a B, but right now I think I'm borderline.

I'm starting to get into a gym routine again. Basically, when I have some time in the day, I go. I think I may go right after I finish this up actually.
It feels so good to have that as part of my schedule again. Who knows if its actually helping my muscle tone/health/whatever, but it makes me feel like it is so I don't care.
I'll be dogsitting next month so I'll find out when I hop on their scale. If I gain weight though I'm definitely going to be telling myself its more heavy muscles haha. Lawd knows that if I do, its not from over-eating because I pretty much just have 2 meals a day. I do have breakfast now but that's just a juice box and a 90cal granola bar. Some snacking on weekends when I'm sitting at my laptop all day with my groceries at my feet, but its all little, light calorie shtuff.
Why am I going into this? Pretty dull.

Though my current summer situation is rather dull anyway. Class, lab, lab reports, homework, and boyfriend time. That's basically it. Not much else I can do when my weekly allowance has all gone towards food so far.
I'm satisfied though. I miss just chillin with my hometown friends, but those days are mostly over anyway. Jobs and school and life and such. Ew, that's a sad thought to end on..

How about something AWESOME to end on instead:

Procrastinating Ridiculous

Once again, I find myself procrastinating a big-ass paper into the wee hours of the night/morning. Here's the skinny, 10 pages critiquing the class due tomorrow by 5pm. However, my mother is coming up to move me out of my dorm some time before 5pm. So really, I need to get this shit done now. Actually I should have had it done days ago.
The sad thing is, this paper should be cake. I just can't get myself to do it.
What I'm probably going to end up doing is packing my stuff up tonight and writing this paper tomorrow morning. Hopefully I'll have a couple pages done tonight. So far I have one paragraph.
I'm a joke.
Well maybe I'm past that point. I'm starting to be seriously concerned for myself now. This procrastination problem is getting ridiculous, worse and worse each paper.
Great, now I'm sleepy.

UVA Toby Boyfriend

I got into UVA!
Yeah, I found out a couple weeks ago actually...Clearly I'm not jumping for joy or anything about it. Actually, my feelings are pretty numb. I am going, but I decided to go basically only because I don't want to be able to regret not giving it a shot. So yeah, I'm going to try it out and if I hate it, I'll just transfer back.
I think I'm going to stick with Bio major though. Their cognitive science major sounds really interesting, but I don't think that will result with many career opportunities. Whenever I think about that path actually my mind brings up "HR Representative" with a picture of Toby from The Office. No one wants to be Toby.

Things with the new boyfriend have been going pretty well. I still haven't gotten used to calling him "boyfriend" though. It just feels weird haha. Last night I went the farthest I've ever gone with someone. No sex but I'm pretty sure he popped my cherry, cause I'm bleeding, so, duh. He's a really great guy, and I love spending time with him, though he's grated on my nerves more times than I would like. Recently, he's been freaking out about me not telling my parents about him yet. I understand that it really bothers him, and why he finds it so important, but I think he just doesn't understand why I haven't. I'm not close to my parents at all; I never tell them about my personal life. Thankfully he didn't bring it up yesterday and I don't know the next time I'll see him, so hopefully I'll have done it by then. I plan to shoot my mom an email about my move-out and drop it in there, since he wants to meet her on the move-out day, so I hope to get it all over with soon. Not looking forward to it though. Ugh.

One Week

One week until I hear about the UVA decision! It's exciting but nerve-racking at the same time. In some ways, it would actually be a small relief if I didn't get in. Mason's grown on me, I know what'd I major in here, I have good friends, and a boyfriend. Everything's just fallen into place this second semester. If I do get in, it's going to be a really hard choice. But at the same time, if I do get in, I'd be crazy not to go. Right?

So I've already met the boy's parents. Today, I'll be seeing them again because his mom invited me to his cousin's birthday party, where I'll meet more of his family. It's a lot to take in. We haven't even been dating for a month yet. Am I over-reacting? Should I not be so nervous about his family and going too fast? It's hard for me to judge since I've never been in this situation before...grr.

New Boy!

Wow. A LOT has happened since my last post.
So...umm...yeahhhh I kind of have a boy now. I KNOW. It's major.
I met him through my roommate and apparently he liked me right away. They even deviously plotted for us to run into each other so that we could talk more. Wait that sounds creepy, but it wasn't. Now we've been dating for about 2 weeks. Not sure if we have the boyfriend/girlfriend label yet, and its not "facebook official," but I think we'll get there.
He's kind of intimidating though. Or 'it' is..as in the relationship is. He's admitted that he's a slight sex addict. Clearly I am way less experienced than him. Also, that's resulted in things moving pretty fast. I haven't done anything new yet, but we've done everything that I've experienced before. Then I remember, "Damn, its only been 2 weeks. I should slow down." I feel bad about slowing down, because its tough for him, I feel like I'm constantly teasing him.
There's a lot more I can say, but I feel bad enough for letting this much out here, plus I'm too tired to go into it.
But, yay! exciting!


In other news,
I didn't get the summer Smithsonian internship. I don't let myself think about it too much because then I know I'll get depressed. The boy came at just the right time to distract me actually...
Yeah, so now I get to try and find a summer job at home and drive hours to see him during the break. Oh and also, if I go to UVA, I'd be in a long distance relationship. Which I believe are destined to fail. Not good. He's aware of these thoughts though.

Let's end it here.
I'll try and update more frequently...promise.

Bio Major Fuckity

*le sigh*

Just bombed my midterm for Bio Lab...after having aced the Bio exam the day before. Although I use the term "aced" loosely. I only got a 92, (after studying for hours), which in fact would equate a B at my old high school.
This isn't good.
Around last week or so, I decided that if I end up staying at GMU, I'll declare Biology as my major and pursue minors in French and Anthropology.
Looks like I suck at my major. ...Okay I don't suck at it. I'm just...okay at it. But shouldn't you be awesome in your major? Or at least love the subject so much that average ability doesn't matter?
There's my problem.
Now what to do?
I realize that it's a little extreme to base my whole career future on one week of Bio, but I feel like my time is running out on choosing a major.

Fuckity fuck fuck.


Man I wish I had a passion for something. That would make everything easier. Obv.


P.S. Housing assignment went smoothly and we got a bitchin' place for next semester. So nice that it makes me want to stay at Mason. Almost.

Then and Now

Spring Break was relaxing, but went by waaay too fast not surprisingly. Definitely want summer 10x more now.
Actually I'm ready for this weekend, I'm getting off campus and dogsitting. I love some forced alone time.
Then I'm ready for April 1st, finding about about my summer internship.
And then I'm ready for May 1st, finding out about UVA.
THEN I will be so ready for summer that I won't be able to comprehend it. Ha.

In the now though-
I'm stressing about housing. The housing process is stupidly complicated and of course things are going wrong. Grr.
Also stressing about grades. I will not be achieving straight A's this semester, that seems for sure. I'm hoping for as few B's as possible with hopefully no C's. But as of right now, I'm pretty sure I have a C in Bio. Who knows about my Honors classes, ugh. Those grades are based on two crappy papers, one for each class, that I recently turned in. And participation. Which I don't really do...

Hmmm I like thinking about the future more.

Actual Rocky Horror

Rocky Horror Picture Show was amaaazing!
It ended up being me and just one other friend, probably the closest friend I've made here so far besides my roommate. We were one of the few people really dressed up, which was sad. But it was a really random weekend in the middle of winter, so that's understandable. Dressing up was one of the best parts though, fer sure.
Since we were RHPS virgins we had to go to the front of the stage and be their bitches. And since it was my birthday I got to get on my hands and knees with a couple of others and oink like a pig-
"Have you seen Deliverance?" he announces as he takes off a coat to reveal a pair of blue overalls.
We were also spanked while oinking.
Then I got to sit down and watch my friend play "Sophocles Says," a dirty version of Simon Says. She got to rub her boobs and groin in front of the audience. I think I was the lucky one. =)
Unfortunately this theater wasn't really into the audience props, but it was still loads of fun. I can't wait to go back in my pink fishnets and neon green tutu again!

Rocky Horror Birthday

Whoops, haven't posted in a while.

Last weekend I went to visit...shoot have I come up with a nickname for her yet?...umm....well one of my best friends at NC State. I was pretty worried about the drive since my car is old and just sat for a week under a couple of feet of snow. But it went fabulously! It was a pretty chill weekend; there wasn't much time to plan something because it came up on both of us so fast. Ohhh college you sneak.
Her boyfriend is adorable though. He was super nice, pretty cute, and dorky. I want one! It's about fucking time too. Gah, let me not dwell on this for now.

My birthday was on Wednesday. It's weird thinking about it because it feels like it didn't happen. The day was excruciatingly normal: I did laundry, homework, classes, and even went to bed on time. Only birthday related things was a card from my grandmother, and I let myself drink soda and watch my netflix. Yep, pretty lame.
But that's okay because this weekend I'm celebrating. Yesterday I went to see When in Rome with some friends and then hung out with some people. Though tonight is where it's at- Rocky Horror Picture Show! Also bought "clothes" for that yesterday. "Clothes" is in quotes because what I bought is a tiny mesh-like green neon skirt, pink see-through bloomers (so I'd at least have one more layer in between my panties and skirt), hot pink fishnets, a feathery headband, and a very thin white tank top thing. It's too large so it's really baggy and barely covers anything. But that's okay, that's the point; I'm wearing a hot pink and white bathing suit top underneath.
It's going to be fabulous.

Now I'm just killing time. There are SO many things I should be doing, but it's hard when Rocky Horror festivities are just a couple of hours away.


OH!!! I finished and submitted my UVA transfer app! I sent the common app a while ago, then it took me like another week or so to finish the supplement and submit that. So I ended up getting it all done with only like a week left. That's an improvement though, because the first time I applied I submitted it all on the actual due date. Dumb, I know.

Even though I don't really like any of my classes (except Tai Chi), this semester has been going pretty well. =)